When shoppers have to question what planet a green object has flown down from you know something's not right.According to health and safety regulations, the witches hat of green turf is exactly what is needed to spread some Christmas cheer. It is safe because it has no trunk so it won't blow over, and no branches that might fall off, or needles that might, heaven forbid, poke someone in the eye as they walk past. All in all it doesn't have any of the characteristics of a Christmas tree. But it is very safe.
So what are all the locals getting upset about?! They stuck a CD player in the middle of it to play Christams carols over and over and over and over and over and over again. You couldn't do that in a real tree, those busy bodies need to be grateful for what they've got. Even if what they've got cost them £14,000 of their hard earned cash and looks like something out of The Wizard of OZ.
The Poole shopping centre has now put up their own REAL Christmas tree with branches and needles and a trunk and lights and decorations and everything - and in the wind! There have been no reported deaths yet, but it's surely only a matter of time.
Thanks to Poole council I know that this year I should just build a mountain of green marshmallows and stick a star made of cotton wool on top. But what if the star falls off and someone chokes on it? It's a vicious cycle. Perhaps we should just abandon Christmas decorations all together. Those holly wreaths are dangerously prickly, candles are an obvious fire hazard, and what if the pins used to hold up christmas cards come loose and fall on granny's head?
These issues are irrelevant though. We are all forgetting the real reason for Christmas. The true meaning of celebrating. To praise the Heavenly Father.
Father Christmas.
